Happy Hearts

Afraid

I am sooooo ready to not be pregnant.  I'm pretty uncomfortable at this point as all mamas understand.  I do fine throughout the day but am close to miserable by nightfall.  However, while I am so ready to meet sweet Evangeline Kait, I am getting scared.  The memories of Maggie's first days are all coming back quite vividly. 

I remember my amazingly easy labor - 3 hours from start to finish - and 1 hour was spent waiting for my dr. to get out of a c-section.  I remember holding my sweet baby girl... all 7 pounds and 8 ounces of her.  She was perfect except for the big scratch across her forehead.  I held her, nursed her, and couldn't wait to get her home and start our life together as a family of 4.  She had an Easter dress and basket waiting for her in her room.  Her big brother, my sweet 19 month old baby boy, was ready for us to be home and so were we. 

Then, in a moment, life changed drastically.  Through her discharge exam, we learned that our sweet Maggie Jane had a very broken heart and that she would be transferred to SLCH within the next hour.  Our world as we knew it came crashing down around us and we were left wondering how to move, how to breathe, and how to live. 

That is what I'm afraid of.  I am terrified that what seems to be our life, will change in an instant.  That is what I was thinking about this morning in the van on the way to a playdate.  I was full of fear.  I was singing along to a song on our local Christian radio station and praying silently for Evie and for us.  For the life of me, I can't remember what the name of the song was, but one of the lines said, "Why am I afraid" and I sang along with it thinking, how ironic.  Then, from the seat behind me, my beautiful, almost 3 yr. old, miracle girl says, "You don't need to be afraid, Mama because God is here.  Right?"  "Yes, baby girl, that is right." 

I am not joking!  I couldn't believe it.  My eyes filled with tears and I just started smiling.  Just as my sweet little girl said, God is here, and I do not need to be afraid.

No, not yet!

This has been my answer all day to the millions of phone calls that I have received.  I have been waiting since lunch time to get a call from the hospital saying that I can come in for my induction.  However, thanks to the full moon last night, the labor and delivery floor is FULL.  AAAAAGGGHHHH!  It is 9:00 at night and I still can't go in.  I talked to my Dr. this evening and we are just waiting for a room to open up for me.  We are camped out at my Mom and Dad's house so that we don't have to wake Trent up in the middle of the night.  However, it could be morning before they call me.  The other frustrating thing is that my Dr. goes off call at 7:00 in the morning so once again he won't be the one to deliver my baby.  That was part of the reason for scheduling the induction in the first place.  Oh well, this is what I get for planning again.  Hopefully, I will get a call soon since I won't be able to sleep tonight anyway.  Anyway, it's been a really frustrating day.

Tomorrow's the day

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  Before you read any further, please remember that I am super emotional today.  I am excited, anxious, and nervous.  I am soooo ready to meet Maggie Jane.  I can't wait to see this little girl who is so active inside of me.  I can't wait to see what she looks like and what her personality is.  I know she will be perfect. 

I can't wait to see how fast she gets her Daddy wrapped around her finger.  He swears that this won't happen.  My bet is that she has him dangling from the first glimpse. 

I can't wait to see Trent's expression when he sees her.  However, I am really sad for Trent.  He is my baby boy and I feel like I am making him grow up too fast.  I know I will miss the one on one time we have every day.  I also know that I can't wait to see how he interacts with his little sister, and I can't wait for the day when they become best friends. 

My Mom and I have an awesome relationship, and I can't wait until I have that with Maggie. 

Anyway, I can't wait to meet her.  I pray that everything goes well and I will post pics as soon as I can.

5 days and counting...

I went to the Dr. today and he is going to induce me on Tuesday!  I am sooooo ready.  I am not sleeping at night and am uncomfortable during the day.  Most of you know all of the woes of pregnancy so I won't keep going with the list.  I have to go Easter shopping for Maggie though.  She doesn't have an Easter basket.  Can't wait for Tuesday!

3 Weeks to go!

Well, I only have 3 weeks left.  I was 3 cm dilated yesterday at my appointment.  Maybe I'll go early, but I'm not getting my hopes up.  Check out my maternity pics that my Mom took at about 33 weeks. 

Packing my Bags...

Well, until today, I have been putting off packing my bag for the hospital.  I've thought about it, but just haven't found it necessary.  However, today I went to the Dr. for my 36 week check up and I was 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced.  AAAGGHHHH!  They still don't expect me to go until at least 38 weeks but I would like to be ready, just in case.  I was 1 cm dilated at 36 weeks with Trent, but I wasn't effaced at all.  So, anyway, I am glad that I had made progress, but it was a little more than I was expecting.  Happy packing! 

Sleep...

Why is it so hard to fall asleep when you reach 30 weeks?  This happened when I was pregnant with Trent.  It took me over an hour to fall asleep last night.  I am so glad that Trent is such a good sleeper.  He went to bed before 9:00 last night and slept until 8:00 this morning.  This allows me to get a decent amount of sleep anyway.  I know I could have much worse things to complain about, but this sure is annoying. 

I can't believe it!

I cannot believe that I am in my 3rd trimester.  It is so unreal to me.  This pregnancy is flying by.  We have a good start on Maggie's room.  The room is painted and we are getting Trent's new furniture ready so Maggie can have the nursery furniture.  Her room is going to be so cute.  I will post pics when we get more in her room.  It's kind of bare right now. 

Now that my placenta moved up where it is supposed to be, I am having a great pregnancy.  It's been very similar to when I was pregnant with Trent.   I have the normal aches, but nothing to complain about.  Two nights ago, I was immediately awaken at 2:30 AM by sudden heart burn and a sudden feeling of not being able to breathe.  She must have moved up some more because I still can't breathe unless I am standing.  It was so weird how sudden it was.  I can't say that I am one of those moms who absolutely loves being pregnant, but it is so amazing.  God is creating my little girl inside of me.  WOW! 

I can't wait to meet you, Maggie Jane.   

I got the whole thing in today!

Today we tried the Y again and it went much better.  There was no crying and I was able to get my whole work out done.  I am supposed to take it really easy so I don't even feel like I really did anything.  I guess it is better than nothing.

Trent is going to have a little...

Sister!  Needless to say, I am so excited.  I had tears in my eyes almost immediately after the ultrasound tech told us "It's a girl".  Everything looked good on the ultrasound except my placenta is a little low.  They will continue to monitor this, and they are hoping that it will go ahead and change and everything will be fine.  I have another ultrasound in January. 

Anyway, I am definitely more excited than Ryan.  He's not really sure what you do with a little girl.  But, he took the whole day off so we could go shopping and we got some cute little girl things.  Maggie Jane will definitely be very spoiled.